Untold Love..............

Standing at the smoking zone near my office,I saw some couples hanging on to each other and laughing the way.
A big gulp in my throat ,i took a deep drag of the cigarette in hand.
Heart became heavy,could not utter a single word.
Felt like crying,but still had to put up a smiling face.
Wanted to vent out the feelings of despair.
After finishing the smoke while going in old memories started coming back.
The very own memories for which i had left my world n came down to a different place leaving all my people behind.
Though for the outer world i was happy this thing was killing me little by little inside.
While on my computer the only thing i could feel like was writing a letter to Rashmi.
Rashmi was a person whom i met over the net.
We mailed each other for almost couple of months,
Then one day morning while i was at work she called me on my mobile from her land line.
It was a pleasant surprise.
From that day we used to talk on the phone everyday.
Minutes became hours.
These regular talks made her fall in love with me.
Even though she expressed my love for me many times,
I did not respond even once.
I was also close to friends,i have lot of friends.
There came a period of time in life when i could not call her n talk to an extent as i did before.
She was also going through an interesting phase in her life with respect to her work.
She had recently changed jobs.
She worked for a BPO and was working in night shifts now.
She would call up n try telling me all that happened in office.
But i would end up saying 'please da lets talk something else other than work.
If she started another conversation 'i would end up saying i am tired got to sleep now.
In the mean time she changed jobs.
A colleague from her previous company had proposed to her some time back,
n she had openly rejected it saying that she was committed.
During this period wherein i was not talking to her properly.
She started getting close to him as a friend.
Then he again proposed.
This time instead of rejecting she kept quite.
He took her silence as acceptance.
He filled in my place by calling her up and talking to her listening to her..............
Whenever i called,i used to see my call on call waiting off late.
Till date i have not questioned her or doubted her for anything in life.
It went on for some months.
She never told me that she was getting close to somebody else,
One day i called up at 2 in the night as i felt like talking to her.
Surprisingly i noticed that she was again talking to somebody else.
She would never allow anybody to call her up after 9 in the night.
But she is talking to somebody at 2 in the night.
As soon as she saw my call on call waiting,she cut the other call n received my call.
I was curious to know whether something was wrong,
for which she said nothing happened,n she was fine.
Her friend had called and she was going through some problem so she was sorting it out.
Then i spoke to her for an hour and hung up.
I knew something was not right.
My heart said to me that something was not the same.
The next day after talking to her before going to sleep.
As i prepared to sleep,i remembered that it was one of my friends birthday.
I had to tell her to help me reminding it the next day.
She has a great memory,and she never forgets anything.
When i called her up again the call was again on call waiting.
I got furious.
I shot a message saying good night and slept off.
Though she tried calling me many times i did not pick up.
I was seriously pissed off.
But i knew one thing she has never lied to me till then.
The next day she asked me to come down near her office for dinner.
I had never gone to her office till then.
She used to come down to my office and we used to go to a juice joint and spend some time there and get back to work.
That day while having dinner she was numb.
I asked her a hundred times, what happened???why are u so numb??
She said nothing and just kept staring at me.
I was trying to write a letter in honour of my friends.
I finished writing that letter,had dinner and had asked for the bill.
She got a couple of messages and a call which she did not attend to.
After the bill was paid she got another couple of messages.
I picked over the phone and saw some messages saying,
Where are you,come down soon and call me????
I asked her who was it?
The entire mood set had changed.
She said it is just her colleague playing fool around her.
I knew something was not right.
I kept on asking and later she cried.
She hugged me while crying.
She said "I love him".
For a moment i felt the ground slip under my feet.
For the first time i felt i couldn't stand..............................
I was still coming to terms with reality.
I sat on the pavement.
She was standing and crying........
I got up lit a cigarette.
I hugged her tight and started crying.
She asked me "Why did not you tell me Ravi that you loved me?".
How shall i know that you love me????
For the first time in my life i as speechless.
I had nothing to say,
There was nothing in this world that could pacify me.
My heart was bleeding profusely......
I kissed her on the forehead and said to her,
"Don't worry,when ever you need me,just call me up".
Saying this i started my bike,looked at her for one last time,
Felt like seeing her for the first time.
Faked a smile, and rode all the way home crying profusely.

Today miles away from her,miss her so much.
Not able to concentrate on work,not able to sleep properly.
But still the love for her grows inside me every single moment.
She would be calling me,but i have along with place i changed numbers............
& she has no idea about my new number.
Still wishing to talk to her,but not doing so.
Love is crazy,when she was there with me.
I did not value her.
N today when i want her..........................

As they say,

"Love can't be explained,but it has to be experienced.
Love can't be taught,but it has to be learnt.
Love can't be grown,but it grows on it's own.
Love can't be forced,but it force's you.
Love can't be bought,but it gets to everybody.
Love can't be seen,but it has to be felt."


P.S. Saw lot of stories on the blog and felt like writing one on my own.
Hope it does not stink.......Please let me know how you all feel reading this.